INCOHERENT RAMBLINGS and other news....
first of all can i say that i love Henry Rollins? i thought so....
ok next... update: i spent the 4-day weekend (friday + sat/sun AND columbus day) at "the house." ya know, after being gone for over a month and going back, i swear it looks like it would be SO EASY to fix up. it's really just a lot of small things (hole in wall, broken window pane, maybe a bad outlet or two)-- yes not one BUT TWO -- then the obvious, paint & new carpet. i bet he could get 160 EASY. hell i could acid wash the tile floor AGAIN and have Wedge do the hardwood floors and WA_BAM! get an agent and he'd be good to go...
ok saw atty on monday. hung over as all hell. god i thought i'd puke just driving there. somebody's tire exploded and shot rubber gas into the car fuck i had to hold my breath for fear of puking on my lovely silk suit - sleeveless black and white wrap, but the pants (size 6) that were tight when i bought'em are like 2 inches too big now (3 weeks later). i oughta takem back but i love the top!!! ok got fucking drunk the entire weekend, after not drinking for quite a while (like several weeks is quite a while for me). now i'm in the habit of needing a beer or two once it hits late afternoon, and i've gotta get out of that habit because 1. it's too dang expensive 2. it's too fattening by itself not to mention after i'm all hungry from being buzzed 3. good things happen to me when i'm not drinking 4. i hate waking up all yucky 3. it's a fucking waste of my time
anyway, still waiting to hear about job(s) ... have one more check coming from the last job. can't afford groceries, but child support will be kicking in after we go to court. i neeed to win the lottery.. oh yeah i bought a ticket last night. better check up on that -
jazz was voted and won an award for (?) being class president. she's also playing the recorder, the viola, in "chorus" (does that mean choir?) and other things i'm sure. went to nature refuge (wetlands that look like the backyard at the house) with jake yesterday. felt like crap and it was cold. somebody told him i'm ugly and he told me on the bus. i swear i felt like crying for a second, then realized i wasn't smiling or anything and probably did look like shit. plus kids are honest. i felt bad for jake though. then i took note of how i saw the kids. there were ugly kids / poorly dressed ones, too. kids who looked stupid or had bad snot in their nose. kids who looked like they'd misbehave. kids who stared at me and didn't think a thing of it. i realized i'm weak and have no confidence, but that i also judge people based on the way they look as well. i'm not as ugly as some of those kids! ...... (sorry, but hey!) anyway i tried to smile more and was nice to the 4 kids in "my" group. each parent had about 4, there were like 20 kids there, 3 or 4 parents and the teacher. plus another class the same, but they stayed separate from us. we walked out into the wetland, which had a very nice deck-like walkway and talked about nature. first thing the guide asked us is "what is this vine?" kids were like "a vine"... "a plant" i was like "poison" yup, poison. thanks dude, after having purple thighs and getting 0.3 hours sleep per night for like 7 weeks and taking chlorox baths i think i remember that shit. anyway, i gave jake my outer sweater and only had on my jeans and black turtleneck. hence, i was freezing. my boobs must have been standing up because the teacher tried to get me to wear her coat! but i said no because my hair falls out so bad i didn't want her to have all my curly red hair all over her. i get embarrassed about things like that. anyway, my group was good, and asked me quetsions and i played with jakie. he wasn't embarrassed to hug me or let me hug him or kiss him. he was really good. we played and laughed and ignored the teacher and guide *hehe* i swear i am SO 15 years old sometimes. by the end of the walk, the other kids were holding my hand and talking to me a lot. jake was rough-housing with some boys but it was all cool. then we had lunch and this adorable girl sat with us and was really cool. jake should get to know her better! we shared food and i traded my doritos for popcorn, but then jake took my popcorn so we played trying to throw it into each other's mouths. yeah after ham samwich it was kinda gross looking in there. jake drank a bunch of milk and did a wet forced burp in my ear on the bus. oh i got pissed. then we were talking about roach eggs and taco bell internet stories on the way back with a mexican boy and he was really cool. we were laughing and shit i didn't care. we were the loudest ones on there just about. then i had jake find addresses and read building & street names on the way back. at a red light he read 3 businesses, but then we took off and he had to hurry up. he read the ISLE CENTER FOR COSMETIC SURGERY as the SILLY CENTER FOR COS-TUME-ETIC SSSS-UGAR even the teacher was busting up. i'm so glad he's a loving boy now. he used to never let me say i loved him or hug him, he would get so upset because ... well because we were mean to him. at least he thought so. he would get into trouble and i'd yell at him or spank him or give him soap. and ian was a tyrant.... holding him down with his little arms under ian's legs--squatting over jakie's chest and holding a toy up over his head LAUGHING out loud as my son couldn't stop crying. .... ok not a good thought HOW COULD I LET THAT GO ON SO LONG? god i swear i tried!!!! i tried to freelance and start getting some money, you know what i got? a lot of competition from people who already HAD a job, people who FINISHED college, who somehow GOT a degree in website type stuff right as soon as it came out. it didn't used to be a subject even ! people who have all kinds of shit, money, time, no kids, no violent psychopath, people who actually SLEEP at night in their own beds not having to hide in other rooms with their gun all night..... yeah i did a website redesign for a dragonball Z page, FOR A TWELVE YEAR OLD!!! a fucking week's worth of work for $30. that's what i got. oh god i'm upset have to go. i'm adding the middle of this anyways right now, the rest (below) is already typed. so read on.... *clicks Post & Publish and walks away from computer as tears keep rolling down...*
ok enough enough gotta clean the attic so we can get the 18000 boxes of shit off my mom's floor cuz the cable guy is coming on sat and she wants the place clean. i guess having me & my 3 kids here living in ONE ROOM isn't enough to clean the boxes off all the couches, recliners living room floor and entire family room floor, but hey, who am i to hand out priorities right now eh?
anyway, back to the attorney, what a mess. final hearing in a couple months, don't like some of the agreements, and the fact she's charging "3 or 4 more hours" hell that means like another $800 bill or more. gee thanks, woman, nice diamonds all over ya.... attorney said we have to meet ½way with the kids and drop them off to the other person who's also waiting ½way, which, when ya think about it, still means i'm driving 500 miles cuz i still gotta go back home. why should both of us drive 500 miles? plus he's a TERRIBLE driver and has that damn big truck he can't drive that is an easy tipper.... he needs to sell that damn truck and get something better/cheaper... throw some $$ into the house and sell that first thing in the spring. HAH i told him last year i wouldn't spend another winter in that house, and i fucking meant it. see men, we do mean what we say....believe me now?
yeah i guess that about wraps it up.
note on friend: danelle went to see brian regan on sat -- COOL!!!! he's like my very favorite!!! her relationship is up & down and she's missing stuff from her house... is it pf & the x again? he was sneaking around and i thought she got a restraing order... that sux major big time. and i just finally got some things out of storage, like my jewelry box and shit, damn i need an alarm or something, i'm so scared every time i go down there i will have been broken into, but it's really a good place tho.
[listening to] in my head: puddle of mud/control
note on music: seems the same judge who ruled against napster is now ruling against the music companies who have formed their own association and software to download music online (for a fee). [note: i wonder who will be the first to crack it - either make it not expire in 30 days or make the tunes saveable....] it seems they've violated anti-trust laws and will be paying the price. yeah, so maybe suing napster and then copying them ain't so fucking smart now huh? fuck!~ napster didn't even fucking DO anything wrong!!! they were NOT in violation of ANY fucking copyright laws. hasn't ANYBODY out there EVER worked with/for or known a copyright ATTORNEY? shit, all they did was create communications software THAT'S IT. if the online sharing of mp3s is such a fucking travesty, then why aren't the creators of the mp3 software getting their wee-wees slapped? why aren't the cd-burners having their day as defendant? it's so fucking stupid. it's like if i made a cassette off of an album and gave it to you, yeah THAT is copyright violation. i probably wouldn't go to jail or pay the $120,000 fine per violation, but i would be guilty. now if i made five-hundred thousand cassettes and sold them to all my friends for, let's say five bucks a piece, then i'd be in court like that *snaps fingers* because i'd be making money off the shit, and selling at a lower price than the official CDs or cassettes, and they'd be losing money, goodwill, etc and would sue or probably send a cease and desist letter first. and let's say i used regular mail to send the cassettes out. would the US Postal Service be in court if i got busted? NO. so why is napster ? they didn't do anything. they are like the mail service that i used to send the $5 cassettes to my "friends" in the above-mentioned hypothetical situation. all they did was allow people to communicate. the people who are ripping the CDs, the makers of the software that allows them to rip the CD's, and the MP3 players (hardware), MP3 software, and conversion software is what's allowing all this to happen. now maybe somethings have gone on that i'm not aware of, because i am so busy and do not read or watch the news very often, but from what i'm seeing, there are ads for mp3 players everywhere, Kmart, best buy you name it and personal cd players that play both cda's and mp3's, not to mention the gross abundance of every kind of software online, whether for purchase or trial ("astalavista, baby!") *wink wink -- nudge nudge -- swift kick in the ass* .... *dazed look on face* ..... *oooh thinking about fine blondes for a moment*........ ok my point is that napster only created communication software for people to perpetuate the online trading of mp3s, but the actual MAKING of the mp3s is the problem and the actual violation of copyright laws. what's probably so hard for the courts to do is to find each individual user/person and make them pay or go to jail, so easier to go after napster. god they must have a sucky lawyer.... i remember seeing the 19-yr-old creator of napster on some photo shoot on tv, and he kept brushing his nostril every time he walked out for a photo, then there would be a snap, then new angle of the shooting area (empty), he'd walk on again, brush his nose, and snap goes the camera...over and over like 25 times, every single time he was trying to wipe away any remnants of that 8ball he bought before the shoot, god it couldn't have been more obvious. i felt so bad for him, and i thought "damn dude, just say 'hey, wait a minute, please." go into the bathroom, fix your nose, get a Q-tip or douche it or whatever, make SURE it's ok, then go back out and leave your fucking nostrils alone!" but hey what do i know about doing lines?
ok i'm done.
posted by y2kira @ 10:15 AM
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