100% y2k-compliant, 93.82% bitch

ok i don't even want to go into how BAD of a weekend i had starting last friday-- but there are so many things on my mind. ok first, i had my new purse, little tan camelbone wonder with sparkling brass suns on both sides, GOD it's gorgeous, anyway i go to lunch w/my friend. Indian food (god THAT was haunting me all weekend as well blah) but i grab the purse WHICH I'VE NEVER USED BEFORE and the chain breaks causing it to fall on the floor, and a piece of the purse breaks off. so i can't use that, had packed it so carefully because it's so small, but anyway--- Indian food was good but didn't realize i was pms'ing quite so bad. talked about bad stuff the whole time i sound like such a sob story, i feel like everyone must think i'm a dark cloud so i felt bad when i went back to work. i had an ok day, took some shots of a doll for a client w/the digital camera - nice resolution ; ) and met the client - had to put on shoes *hehe* then i move into the "other" office with the bright lights and the bad chair and the ugly other chair and then my computer was all wrong. so i tried to straighten it out but at 5 i left. anyway, then i had to get gas i was on total E. so i am in a traffic jam and literally cannot drive 5 feet into the goddamn driveway, but i managed to anyway and i had to wait for someone who thought the gas station was their personal parking space for their little tiny convertible bmw to move it, i pulled up, stopped and paid, but you have to pump first. ok fine so i did that, then there's this guy rewiring the fucking lotto machine. i just wanted to pay. then these other guys are yelling and talking shit making all kinds of noise and talking about me in my dress, shut up! so then i get out of there drink a beer... or just bring it home. what else? dinner - cold house!!! as always!! mr.x goes to work. jazz has a friend overnight. i am calling my friend who won't answer then he calls back i said i could come over and he's like i don't care. so then i go over there, but he's not there AND i stopped at the new gas station to get a beer & some munchies for the little ones but there are like 80 people in line and one slow ass cashier, so i go and stupidly drive further so i can wait at the fucking circle k for an even slower fatter assed cashier to be all talking and shit about lotto tix i'm like HEY can i go NOW? fuck i did the money dangle like at a busy bar so she'd fucking WAKE UP but anyway, NO this guy goes ahead of me and i see his jacket, so i'm like OH SHIT i know who they are (someone i don't wanna know) so then this other guy CUTS in front of me and i'm like whatever, just so the line gets moving and this slow ass bitch is too fat to move properly GOD just put her on disability for stupidity and inbredness ALONE fuck so this dumb ass dickhead is outside and i'm like fuck... then he sees my kids in the car (yes they were right in front where i could see them) and i like almost just dropped my shit and ran out there, but i could see they were ducking down.

so he comes in a bumps me like hey say hi to me, and i'm like totally ignoring him FINALLY just getting my change JEEZ and he flat out yells HEY aren't ya gonna say hi to me, so i was like hi, how are ya, i'm busy and i go out there w/my kids. they said they saw him and were scared fuck i hate him. so then i go down the street get lost and get to my friends with the fucking wild hyena guard dog, he waren't thar---

so i'm all in a bad mood i open my beer but the kids wanna go so we left. damn so the next day i sleep in and feel fine, i go to get a biscuit and just happen to call him, he says come over, so there i go, everything's taken care of and then BAM let's party. dang i stayed there all day - DIDN:T get my hair done (another week of bad hair might get me fired) - and i got going so late i had to call and let mr.x know where i was You always do this FUck you i do not. i'm not allowed out of the house for 5 mins without 3 kids tagging along behind me god forbid you watch your own children for 15 seconds during your drunk days off work. anyway i got home, got more beer got drunk as hell and was hungover the next day. i couldn't eat i was crying my stomach hurt so bad. i wanted to puke NO i did puke, laid in bed from like 8:30 til 12:30 just crying and rolling around it hurt so bad. i had a migraine and yes masturbation is good for migraines .... unless you stop!

anyway i finally managed to drink a beer my kids had to bring it to me, just hair of the dog just trying to take the pain away. so i felt better after a coupla hours and proceeded to go out and get all lit up again. someone at the bar (the special sunday bar where you have to go if you live in the south and they don't sell alcohol on sundays) decided it was party day oh man i was high as a kite.

so i came home but went back for more beer and got drunk again. woke up at midnight in so much pain i could barely breathe. it hurt so bad and i have no more pills. so after a bout an hour and a half i fearfully looked at the clock - only 12:30. i thought BP is open. but no i couldn't have driven. i was in so much pain. called in sick monday AND tuesday cuz of course monday hair of the dog is pretty damn good - gotta have 2, then 4 plus a 6er -- hurting mon night too so tuesday was a no go.

i didn't drink i just cried. took good care of the kids. cleaned the house really well, did laundry, made marinated london broil, etc etc gave juju math worksheets etc etc fixed some furniture just a bunch o' shit. i'm glad i did so much that day. and how the hell did i miss ozzy?!!!!

i also found out a whole bunch of info on the internet (see links in a post below).
i also called the local health food store and found out that they have hormone tests, wild yam extract, and evening primrose oil.
i also went to storage that day and found my vitamins.
and yes, i have B complex, E, A, C, calcium, magnesium, vitamin O, and green barley.
i can also get colloidal minerals at dealer's price.

now i'm wondering if i should go to the doctor and get more pills or not?
should i get a hormone test and take it, or just try what i've learned & get better?

in a way, i really want to just get better, well that's all i want to do, but i really think i'm on to something, and i feel a need to prove that all my "weakness" and failing were actually real physical symptoms of a serious imbalance for which there is a cure.

what do you think?

posted by y2kira @ 12:19 PM