Male Bashing!
How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn't need it anyway.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.
What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Did you hear that they are going to stop circumcizing men?
They discovered they were throwing away the smartest part.
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.
She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."
How can you tell if a man is thinking about sex?
He's breathing.
How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
His body.
What is the difference between men and women...
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
The woman says: "I'll really miss you"
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
Shoot him again.
it is becoming more and more apparent to me that we
absolutely must teach parenting skills in our schools. that, AND [don't know what term to use] mind exercises. i mean MIND, like meditation, journal keeping, self-healing, forgiveness, self-love, reaching the higher self, studies about the inner child, dream interpretation, spiritual adjustment, concentration, intuition, consciousness, the subconscious, the nature of the universe, etc.... how else is EVERYBODY going to learn about these things? and if we don't? we're headed on a collision course with doom.
ok so i haven't been posting lately. basically my life is absolutely insane and yet it completely sucks at the same time. no money, must move out, no permanent job, must find one, get some freelance computer work, computer kills 3 monitors and new vid card is on the blink, can't get email, have AV probs, can't boot, can't get online, screen goes blank, client needs work NOW......get ulcer, get sick, throw up, slam water for six hours, puke violently for six hours, go to hospital, wait for person to admit me
typing 20 wpm, sit in room for 45 minutes in extreme pain, nearly faint because room is blasting 900-degree heat, talk to doctor for 20 minutes, sit in room for 30 more minutes groaning to get attention, am diagnosed with severe dehydration and muscle spasms of the stomach/gastritis, get moved to bed and blanket :), get
huge IV put in hand, get whole bag of fluids set to 1000 drip (done in an hr), get whole bag of muscle relaxers set to be done in about 20 mins, have involuntary loud conversation with stranger on other side of curtain who was actually talking to someone else on the phone, get strange look around the curtain from said stranger meaning
i'm on the phone, tell him to "gethafukouttahere then" and get even stranger look, get overdosed on muscle relaxers causing
severe cottonmouth, become too delirious to maintain consciousness, feel astral, pass out sideways on half-inclined hospital bed causing
major neck and back pain for the next few days, throat becomes dried completely shut, wake up several hours later, can't talk, am given purple pill and glass of water, absolutely cannot swallow, can barely stomach eating or drinking
anything -- even water, manage to take pill, am given big white dry pill, cannot swallow, am given cracker to help coat pill, cracker turns to sawdust in mouth, have mouth struggle for way too long, drink tiny bits of water, am given same pill crushed, take pill, pill dust coats entire back of tongue and lining of throat,
oh joy!!, totally tastes like shit, feel completely delirious, see shadows nobody else can see, (know they were there), hearing is completely off, voice is even worse, am given lengthy repetitive instructions regarding prescriptions and expected to reply coherently, fail to do so, consider that everything they say is very unnecessary, try to stand, cannot, twist knee and nearly fall, walk home from hospital slowly then quickly (had to go pee), instructed not to eat or drink for 8-10 hrs, must help throat!, ponder whether tonsillitis is contagious thru new IV mechanism at questionable local hospital, barely manage tiny swallows of tea due to continuing symptoms of overdose, play with child, hours go by mysteriously, go to pharmacy, don't have prescription card, come home, get hassled but get card!, go back, pick up stuff for other people, get 4 bottles of meds, witness police officer wandering around aimlessly in parking lot - limping - then recognizing wierdo buddy and screaming and hobnobbing together, non-chalantly try not to run them over, come home, look at bottles of unknown medication, label medication myself, take lortab.......
cleaned up the front room today IT LOOKS GREAT
gonna be in the 50's tomorrow ~OH YEAH
temping the rest of this week - YEE-HA!
shit, another chance of snow today. wonder if schools will close early.....
one thing: please remember that the word
egg is pronounced "
AIG" !
thank you.
does anybody have anything to say at all about anything?
dang, it was really
cold last night! and now, at 10:00 in the morning, it's 38º in here. i'm going down to the gas co. with my credit card.
fuck it !!!
Note: they don't take credit cards. :-Þ
well SOMEONE has broken the little film door to my $400 camera, the black heart locket i got last year AND one of the electric heaters. should i just put up a wishlist?
and also, for a redesign, do you have any preferences? anything anybody would like to see?
lemme know!
